should be..but isn’t

So, i should be working on my gianormous research paper that’s due next Friday. but i’m not. my brain has decided to go on vacation earlier. it’s Not allowed to do that! i have to have a finished full draft of it by tonight 7pm if i’m going to enjoy or be able to give any thanks on this up coming thanksgiving. thanksgiving is tomorrow and for some reason, as excited as i’ve been, i couldn’t really care less right now. i need my brain to focus.

we’ve been having issues; my brain and i. Yesterday while i was tutoring some poor innocent EIL student, my brain froze and decided to do a system re-boot right there on the spot. i even got kind of dizzy and momentarily worried about passing out. (“Well, Professor. i went to the RWC, but my tutor passed out in the middle of the tutorial…so do i still get credit for going?”)

i think i might watch Glee, give my brain a good rest and then just jump into the whole thing. i can do that right? relax a little and then get going. but then when you think about working our, like when you’re running, they always tell you to just finish and not stop and rest because then its like a hundred million times harder to get up and go again…maybe i’ll go for a run instead. maybe i’ll do both.

oh dear. ok. Glee. (maybe Foodland for some chocolate or, those Canterbury eggs to munch on while i’m writing my paper) and THEN Beloved, LOOK OUT. here i come. i’m going to analyze the monkeys out of you…

breath. (don’t look down)

jump

here we go

splash. :)

i. give. up.

unnumbered essays

unnumbered books

all to be read by a certain time.

i never want to see another word again. i don’t even want to proofread this to make sure i didn’t spell anything weird or change my tense upteen times. is upteen even a word? i feel an ache all through my body and its telling me i need sleep. lots and lots of sleep. and i’ve slept. yesterday, today and probably tomorrow. but i can’t afford to. i need to work. i need to read, i need to edit and proofread and reread and rewrite and there’s too much to do. not enough time. why do i do this to myself every semester. sure i do it. but its miserable.

magic would be a super help.

oh well.

you know how it goes..win some…lose more.

ttfn

to my mystical readers

sometimes i feel like you're this invisible magical force that listens to me. like i'm this tiny little dot of a person floating around in the universe and you're a bigger force, not the biggest force, but a bigger one than i am. you find ways to soothe my troubled soul. maybe writing always does that. it always has for me.

something about seeing the words in your mind spill in to words on a screen in front of you is soothing. it's like some things do make sense.

thanks for being there. i know there aren't many of you. i know really only of a few of you, but thanks. thanks for reading. thanks for turning my thoughts into yours and thinking of me if even only for a minute. thanks for thinking of us. :)

dreaming from far far away

I need to be more consistent between what goes here (which is where I can whine freely) and what goes on http://the-mr-and-mrs-contor-page.blogspot.com/ (where I get to talk about all the fun jake and I have). I still want to be a wtich…I still feel like I need something. Hmmm. Any suggestions?
Maybe I just need a really good break. I had a mini-break cause I got sick. :) but I guess maybe it wasn’t enough. Ever semester I tell myself I’m going to do better. I always say I’m going to read all the books. And I never ever do
...Ever...
Seriously. I’ve already not read like 3 of the books.
Anyway, I’m going to go play with some chocolate. And watch more Practical Magic!

BATH DAY

Is it sad or just pathetic that when it’s “bath day” (meaning the day my stuffed animals get washed) I give the men a pep-talk and tell them to hold their breath when the time comes and to look out for porkchop because he’s not as young as he used to be so he can’t handle wash days like before. Is it sad that I give them all a kiss and wish them good luck and promise I’ll be back soon? oh sheesh.

Saw Salt

Ok, so admittedly it was a little predictable, but for the most part i really liked it. i approve. :) the story line flips enough that it makes you wonder and it throws you for a loop….well it threw me anyway. i dunno if i would buy it, but i definitely wouldn’t turn it down if someone bought it for me…or if a certain fiancé really wanted to see it….i’d go twice. :) hehehe. anyways. nighty night

long time no see

ok so i figured out that i can set this up on my Windows Live Writer account on my computer so i figured why not? i don’t remember my last blog so let me update everything a little…alot. :) i’m getting married!! It’s set for August 24th the Kona, Hawaii Temple. Jake and I will be sealed for time and all eternity and we’re both incredibly excited!!

Right now i’m in utah enjoying the company of Miss Nikki Hansen, my bestest friend. :) we’re sitting in her parents’ room hiding. well not really hiding, more or less staying out of the way until we’re needed. we need some quiet time. Nikki’s sisters get pretty loud. maybe we were that loud when we were little but i don’t remember being that loud.

anyway, until next time. aloha

...breathing...

Ever felt like there was too much to move?

too much to breathe?

ever wake up and realize, "I'm alive."

look at the birds and really appreciate that there are little hearts beating inside of those soft little chests. little lungs breathing.

i think that life is underrated. we forget to breathe. we spend so much time focusing on what's due next Wednesday, and how many sources we need for our research papers. we forget how much we're loved, how much we love, how the water feels, how the ocean tastes, how it smells. so often we're too busy tuning everything out with our ipods; we create a cacophonous chatter as we walk and talk and pop our gum. we forget to see what's around us. we become so busy with little kids and soccer and day care and the latest on Britney Spears that we forget to breathe.


Let's all take a breath.

girl, put your records on....you go ahead, let your hair down

i cut my hair. it's cute. shoulder length with a side bang.

guess what... i'm turning into quite the feminist. now i'm not going lezbo or burning my bras or anything like that. i'm still crazy in love with Jake who is a man, and i love my bras....well most of them, besides i paid for those! haha. anyway i just mean in the essence of analyzing literature, it's kind of fun to analyze literature that way. i mean finding that feminist line in a plot is fun! :)

pulling towards Utah???? WEIRD!

So lately i've felt like i NEED to move to utah.....

gross.


no offense.

anyway, so Jake (the future Mr. Danica Palmer....HAHAHAHA!) wants to go to grad school there. i think we'll be there within the next few years. but is it totally weird that i feel pulled to a place that i've never really EVER wanted to do anything but Visit?!?

help

are they laughing at me??

ever get that feeling that people are laughing at you? like you walk up to the front of the classroom and you see them stealing glances and giggling. they might as well point. i thought most people got over that in high school.

it shouldn't affect me. but it does. oh well.

Some Proposal Pictures

"Hey remember me? We were kids together, Will you Marry me?"

Yup. Ladies and gentlemen, he proposed. Here’s the scoop. So I work at the reading and writing center(RWC). Our room connects to a classroom through a door. So I was sitting at the very computer I’m writing this from now and suddenly all this music started coming from the classroom. It was loud and we could hear it through the wall. Janelle asked me to go tell them to turn it down because “we’re trying to tutor people, for heaven’s sake!” so I walked over thinking “why can’t Christy do it? She’s closer to the door. It’ll only take one good yell.” I open the door and Jake is sitting there watching Where the Wild Things Are (the movie we saw on our first date). I say “Jake. What are you doing?” he says, “Close the door!” I turn around and the entire RWC is peaking in through the crack in the door. I see all these little pieces of paper on the ground: “Joy; filling me up with love and peace” “Sexy; I can’t keep my paws off you” “Spontaneous; in smiles, laughter, songs and love” “Love; no matter what I do, goofy or grumpy, you love me and will love me always” “Active; wanting to live by doing, not by seeing” and “Smart; intelligence to comprehend, capacity to learn.” Of course my first thought is: “Is he doing a workshop? Doesn’t he know we don’t usually do them in here anymore?” Then he stands up, walking over to me, and hands me a dozen roses and says “Hey remember me? We were kids together.” (From Robin Hood) then he got down on his LEFT knee (Mom) and asked me to marry him and I said Yes. Poof. I’m engaged.

Limes, Lemons.....sour all around

Do you ever feel like you can’t win? Like no matter what you say, you can’t make another person either just agree with you for once, or get them to smile?

I have that feeling now.

Life throws us a lot of lemons. Sometimes they hit us right in the open wounds. Double Whammy. I know it sucks. I know it hurts. I know I don’t follow my own advice, but I think people ought to be a little more receptive to good intentions. Oddly enough I wrote and entire paper about how BAD good intentions are. Something to do with Frankenstein and God. Anyway, my point is we’re all here on earth. Life gets pretty sour sometimes, but there are people in our lives that carry sugar, and Heaven knows you can’t make lemonade without sugar. I think sometimes we need to remember to allow others to add sugar.

NULC

No, it's not a new college i'm thinking of attending. NULC is actually a conference. It’s held at Weber State University every year. Or at least that’s what my understanding is. It’s the National Undergraduate (that’s me) Literature Conference. Now don’t misunderstand, I’m not the only one who’s going. Actually from my school alone there’ll be 10 of us. Anyway, we arrive in Utah the morning of March 31st. The conference goes until Saturday. Then we fly out round 3 on Sunday. Sucks that I’ll miss Easter, but it’s a great opportunity.

Amateur: A lover or someone pursuing something for love

Do you love the Olympics?? I do. I’m obsessed. I’m watching right now and I’m at work. Granted we have a TV at the RWC (Reading &Writing Center) but still. I’m watching John Weir skate….if you ask me, he should be John Weird. I’m sure I’m not the first to think that or to say it but I mean I KNOW figure skating involves glitter and glam, but he’s the fairest looking guy out there. I mean, look at Scott Hamilton. He still managed to look strong while skating like a fairy princess on clouds. I know I don’t have half the stamina that they need for skating. And I know absolutely NOTHING except how to tell the difference between a double and a triple…but that’s only ‘cause I can count.
I love the Olympics (my original point) because it’s amateurs. They compete because they LOVE their sport. Figure skating, snowboarding, skiing, you name it and they love it. When they were 8 they drew pictures of themselves winning the Olympics. They followed it because they LOVE it. love.

Love.

I love writing. I would love to make a living writing. Who thinks I can do it?
I do.

Woolf Woolf Meow

To the Lighthouse
By Virginia Woolf

I’m sitting in my English 376 class, We’re studying British Lit from 1890-present. We’re focusing on Gender, Nationalism, Colonialism, and The Modern Self…yeah, I still don’t know what “the modern self” is. But we’re figuring it out. “Ideology represents the imaginary relationships of individuals to their real conditions of existence.” (Karl Marx)…do you know what that means?? My teacher explained it through money. I understand the concept…kind of. Am I smart enough for this stuff?? I should be. I think I am. Sometimes it just goes way over my head…

Group time.

Here’s our section:
“James looked at the Lighthouse. He could see the white-washed rocks; the tower, stark, and straight; he could see that is was barred with black and white; he could see the windows in it; he could even see washing spread on the rocks to dry. So that was the Lighthouse, was it?
“No, the other was also the Lighthouse. For nothing was simply one thing.” (186)

Nothing was simply one thing.

Nothing was simply one thing.

Everything was/is/will be more than one thing, always. Our questions were: 1>Can you see an object from all sides at once? 2>If everything is at least 2 things, is it ever anything?

Yes. If something is two things it is still something. If a cat is a mammal and a female, it is still an animal. Does that make sense? Does any of this make sense?
I feel like I SHOULD be whinning…. Saying “When am I ever going to use this in real life?” but I’m not. I enjoy class. I love the ambiguity regarding these questions. I loved math for it’s reassurance that 2+2 will ALWAYS =4 (disregarding relativity). However, English is my passion because of the simple factor that you CAN NOT see an object from all sides at once.

You can’t look at one object at all sides at once without disrupting the structure. To maintain the object’s integrity you cannot take it apart, but taking it apart is the only way to see it from all angles at once…even so..you cannot see a sheet of paper all at once. You say “yes you can” but I argue, NO.
You see the sheet of paper. But to see the other side you must flip it over, thus you cannot see it all at once.

Am I making sense?


Probably not. Anyway, it’s just what I was thinking about…

the rise and fall of danica palmer

How am I supposed to make big decisions? You know the ones I mean. The big ones. The “after college” choices. I mean, you’re first 18 years of life are all about getting you into a good college, making sure you can pay for college, making sure your academics are good enough for college….what about AFTER college??
Here are my thoughts
Post college: How about getting married? How about moving to Europe? How about falling through space at a million miles an hour? Becoming a professional skydiver? Can you do that with a degree in English?? Why not?
I think your stomach should stop hurting when you think about this stuff. I think that hope should be a fighting force. I know that love is my past, present and future, I know that writing will continue to be a foundation upon which I build. I know that there are only three articles, the; a; an. There are some things I know that won’t change. For the rest of it…well…let’s find out.

turn my head with talk of summertime....

have you ever wished you were someone other than yourself?

now i know those of you who insist you're perfectly happy with being who you are and anyone who wishes they were someone else doesn't have enough self confidence are going to say no.

Liars.

you so wished you were the pink power ranger, or Zelda, or the yellow teletubbie. ;) ok so not Lala (Yeah..that's the teletubbie....Becki was obsessed!!) anyway at this moment I wish I was Christine Daae. I LOVE the Phantom of the Opera. I just finished watching it with my wonderful boyfriend. And EVERY time i watch this movie i wish i was her. i want a gorgeous singing voice and beautiful dresses that enhance my chest by 50% and i want to perfectly splendid men after me. what happened to the good ol' days when men fought over women through poetic song and sword fights over your late father's grave? now you're lucky if you get a text message.

ok that's not completely true. i'm super lucky. my boyfriend and i work at the same place but we had different hours today, he worked in the afternoon and i worked in the evening, anyway when i got to work there was a red hibiscus in my box. i knew he left it for me. :) i thought that was really sweet. and ANY guy that will watch the Phantom with you is worth keeping.
Also i love her hair. :) i wish my hair was that long and curly. my hair isn't curly OR straight it's this freaky wavy thing that sort of kind of curls occasionally but mostly i just look like a wet cat.
anyhow. til next time folks.

la la life

So today was fun. i saved a butterfly, had fun in the halls with my red light up bouncy ball snuggled down and enjoyed a well deserved cat nap and here i am now. We're reading the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn for my Eng 362 class (American Lit from Mid 19th c. to WWI)

It was odd, as i was reading huck finn the thought struck me: what if mark twain was a chick? i mean i know he wasn't cause we have all sorts of evidence and stuff, but you know that chicks wrote under guys names all the time back then, so why not. any how, it was just on account of something he said when he was describing some of the guys, he said they were beautiful. anyhow i thought it was odd, kind of like how S.E. Hinton descibes all the guys in the gang the same way a chick would. and guess what Hinton is totally a chick, who was obsessed with ponies when she was little, hence Ponyboy. doesn't make the story bad or anything, i love it just the same, maybe more cause it was written by a chick but anyway those are some of my thoughts.

all in all my life is going quite splendidly, nelli and i only have one class together this semester, but we still see each other like all the time. seriously if we're not in class or at work or something we can usually be found hopping and skipping around campus....ok we walk, but i like the way hopping and skipping sounds.

i have fantastic classes. i love all of them (so far....you see i have one class i haven't had yet cause it's a second block class, anyway it doesn't start til ending of feb but i've heard the teacher is really good so we'll see). i'm at Jake's house right now, everything is going great between us. right now we're watching, well we WILL be watching Firefly, it's a completely awesome western space series that unfortunately ended and concluded with a movie after a short 14 episodes. anyhow, over and out until next time. :)